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Some day, I will write
The greatest haiku ever
Written, not today
My sobriety
As told with five seven five
Syllable format
Mornin’, depression!
What are we doing today
Shall I have a drink?
Empties strewn about
I feel like ending it all
Would a shower help?
So we’re feeling down?
Killing myself, more than down
Well if you say so
Sit with your feelings
I should be healed already
I’m sitting all day
These are some really
Depressing haiku that I
Wrote in a psych ward
When do I get pills?
What seems to be the problem?
What do you mean the?
Pushed e’erywhere he goes
Courtesans trail behind him
Wheelchair highroller
Whirr, inflate, hiss, beep
Seems hard to measure your heart
Story of my life
Mix the checker’s board
With three incomplete chess sets
Timer speeds up fun
We are here to help
Here’s mixed veggies and chicken
I can not be helped
Flimsy prop-knife pen
Impossible tool of death
Write killer Haiku
There’s nothing to save
Me from yall and there’s nothing
To save yall from me
I might be crazy
But my IQ is really
What’s truly insane
Morning not yet good
Fortune’s reverse required
Need hollow sweet disc
Two weeks now passed of
Long and hard sobriety
How to celebrate
These are some really
Depressing haiku that I
Wrote while hungover
How can I help you?
Just stop calling me brother
So I should be mean?
Plan next argument
Scheme anti-countermeasures
Back to normal, huh?
Black and red and white
These are the colors of fun
Or so it would seem
Ok, depression!
What else can I do today?
Can I take a bath?
Hardly working: a
Collection of haiku writ-
ten during down time
In the land of cubes
Serfs bury their heads in folders
Declare myself king
The network is down
Renew lost art of talk
Miss the internet
I live in a world
Made up entirely of
So many post-its
Floating down river
Yet so strange to smell water
Over tar-tainted air
Trash here, bottle there
Watch a seagull eat a fish
Worry for its health
Smell tar-tainted air
Birds browned by dirty water
Steel and rust abound
Survey walls of tope
Inspect bathroom and lament
Scratchy hotel towel
Diffusivity
A particle’s nature is
To long for elsewhere
Sleep is there lurking
Behind power points and slides
Break down, drink coffee
Just one more lap round
Til I return to my desk
Blue folder waiting
Pale blue walls surround
Suffocating, muted tones
Lunch break out of jail
Earth was once without
People for billions of years
How I envy it
Some old man finds it
Fun to get therapy at
The YMCA!
Working until death
Save up for your funeral
Commerce and spending
Pratt fall down the stairs
A funeral for a clown
Put the “fun” in “done”
Let the darkness come
Swallow me in the abyss
Shadows disappear
Please don’t yell at me
Actually take that back
Only yell at me
The moon shines so bright
My heart floats in the night air
Vogon poetry
Edit and rewrite
Ink spilled on top of more ink
Stop Overthinking
Nothing stings quite like
The sun on a cold, sober
January First
So cruel that my phone
Auto-corrects my spelling
Of “dissappointment”
This verse will get me
Charged with Murder one
Cause I’m second to none
No racist rebirth
No the south won’t rise again
You lost once before
Cruelty is not right
Slavery is not a right
Fuck you johnnie reb
They’ll come for us all
No person is illegal
Nazi scum fuck off
Protesters gather
So of course the cops show up
Fascism on bikes
Share what people need
Do not buy plastic widgets
Fuck up the system
Plantation owners
Send the poor to fight for them
The rich get richer
Why ask me to stop
Seventeen is just a start
On victory’s path
We’re jumper cables
Hooked to the wrong terminals
Fatal attraction
Poor sight, hair loss, and
Sore throat because you make me
Iron deficient
Up down up down left
Left right right A B select
Start, oh god damn it
Plastic and buttons
Strewn around my living room
Grave for controllers
If that spider comes
Down from my ceiling, then I
Set phasers to kill
Power levels drained
Only got one shot at this
Kamehameha!
Is that attack red?
Or is it blinking yellow?
Dodge dodge dodge ah fuck!
Bored bored bored bored bored
Bored bored bored bored bored bored bored
Bored bored bored bored bored
I’ll wear Batman mask
But not fluffy pirate shirt
I’m a nerd, not dork
Naked on the floor
Many empties strewn about
What have I become?
Today’s been so hard
Pressure mounting more and more
Will I ever cry?
I dump the bottle
Lest she decides to dump me
Happy Valentine’s!
Bewildered I ask
Who still doesn’t have voicemail
It’s 2014
What is a grown man
Suppose to do with post-its
That have hearts on them
Climb great heights
Live up to your potential
Be a winner: No
How is it that the
Minutes can end up wasting
So much of our time
The malaise that comes
When an existence lingers
Passed expiration
Inhale then exhale
Bring the inevitable
I think I should go
New chair rolling by
She knew deep in her heart
Haters gonna hate
Winter weather mix
Come, find empty parking lot
Regret not calling
Next year, I’ll remem-
ber to take off the day aft-
er St. Paddy’s Day
Impatient folders
Swollen with paper insides
Release the edits
Seeing living room
Crowded with couch and love seat
I should have measured
Next episode starts
In just: five, four, three, two, one
Resistance: Futile
Boxes and boxes
Lines winding like county roads
A path to nowhere
Minutes bleed to page
Tick-tocking away my life
Wither into beige
The killer pascals
Ppm to megagram
Reid vapor pressure
Jam Clear Jam Clear Jam
Regulating at the pace
Of a broke printer
Let’s get it started!
Let’s make all the fucking noise!
Leave my ears ringing!
The doc just doubled
My anti-depressants meds
So let’s fucking go!
This ku will get me
Charged with murder in the first
I’m second to none
All I want is for
Seventeen syllables to
Change at least one heart (mind)
All I really want
Is seventeen syllables
Of your precious time
I’m too deep for you
Do not dive into that which
You cannot fathom
You cannot fathom
The depths of your own defeat
Your poems are low-ku
This match is your death
After I defeat you
They will say hai-who
Five seven five are
The only numbers I know
That add up to me
Five seven five is
The only thing in the world
That makes sense to me
Were your thoughts also
Consumed by murder then you’d
Be the quiet type
I fucking hate you
Why did you have to make things
So complicated
Five seven five are
The only numbers that I
Can add together
One year now passed of
Long and hard sobriety
How to celebrate...?
This hairy dope floats
Through the infinite cosmos
Singularity
Lunch time, depression!
You know a nap right now means
We won’t sleep tonight
Made in god’s image
God is a depressed, fat drunk
Shit that’s really sad
Good night, depression!
Oh now that you mention it
I do want a snack
Evenin’, depression!
Can we have some time apart?
I didn’t think so
Do I have a god?
I have as many gods as
I have unicorns
Were your thoughts consumed
By murder, you would also
Be untalkative
I can think of a
Reason to never touch grass
You know dogs shit there
I see your knees shake
I see your shoulders drooping
Put some weight on me
Did not express shock
At my vocabulary
One of the good ones
Act like they expect
And that means they already
Have accepted me
Perfectionism
Is far from stability
Never don’t edit
I’m not a player
And I sure don’t crush a lot
I keep to myself
Blood on the sidewalk
No gravy on my biscuits
Day’s off to bad start
My psychiatrist
Stopped my amphetamines and
Now I has a sad
My psychiatrist
Took away my stimulants
Now I has a sad
You are not waffles
So why do you think you are
Worthy of my time?
He chases the rain
The one man I truly love
Mr. Roy G. Biv
Mr. Roy G. Biv
The one man I truly love
Only chases rain
To find a jackpot
Follow to the other side
Seven is lucky
So dreary the rain
The sky needs a make-over
Queer away the clouds
Upside down smile
That will still brighten your day
And send you flying
Magical blessing
That spins a splendid spectrum
Surrounding the sky
Colorful smile
That allows you to resume
A much brighter day
All double rainbows
Inclusive to all colors
All across the sky
Split the banana
Pile ice cream and toppings
Twixt yellow smiles
Misfortune awaits
All those who dare take the stage
Opposite of me
I keep my nails trim
Some call me a gentleman
I call me lonely
Midnight, Depression.
You know we both want to sleep
Please leave the screen off
Midnight, Depression.
There’s no reason to leave bed
Misfortune awaits
Workers of the world
Cast off chains of oppression
Kill all the bosses
Ok that's my bad
My last Haiku should have said
Gamers not workers
Boss demands spreadsheet
Good thing I’m already done
Should check his inbox
Printer jammed again
Morale-boosting caffeine run
Crash until next burn
Paycheck to paycheck
Don’t worry help is coming
Yay pizza party
Working overtime
But there’s cake in the break room
Makes it worthwhile
Take bosses power
Separate them from control
Seize the production
I let her take charge
And I cherish my new welts
Chivalry.Is.Dead.
Don’t need to shoot things
What are you making up for?
Shove guns up your ass
The chords harmonize
But then the music will fade
Lost algorhythms
Exe still vexes me
Trying to solve the unknown
Quadratic Haiku
Five syllables good
Best way to start and end strong
Six syllables bad
Therapy challenge
Zero Negativity
Creates imbalance
Fridge cold and empty
And a bedroom that matches
It’s what I deserve
Fridge cold and empty
My stomach burns on empty
Standard paycheck eve
What’s in a slight smirk?
Invitation or rebuke?
I never can tell
I was fool to bite
Sweetness only surface deep
Blades hide in candy
1
2
Absolute novice
1
2
Intermediate
1
2
So professional
1
2
I fucking hate (you)(this)(them)
1
2
Fuck yall, I’m the best
1
2
If you’re scared, then run (fight)
1
2
I don’t believe you (them)
1
2
(We) I don’t have a god
1
2
Can’t ruin friendship
1
2
Just be a winner
1
2
That’s right, deal with it
1
2
Can’t go on like this
1
2
Ride and die type love
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