How to Start and End           Haiku with a High-Powered Five Syllable Punch

“I fucking hate you”: the line works so great to open or close Haiku

Boy howdy does it pack an emotional punch and it is exactly five syllables

Whereas the line, “I fucking hate myself” really doesn’t work to open or close a Haiku

Plenty of emotional weight to it, believe you me, but the wrong number of syllables

I mean, I know, you cobble together 11 other syllables and you’ve technically got a Haiku

But you’ve got to technically admit that it just doesn’t feel right since it fumbles the flow of the five seven five

It’s a stilted staccato that robs the rhythm and cocks the cadence all crooked or, dare I even say, cattywampus

Legit I have no idea what that word means but I just wanted to say it: cattywampus

Where was I? Oh yeah, don’t break the rhythm!

Here are some examples I can think of:

“I can’t go on like this”

“I’ve got to end it all”

Again, at a cumbersome six syllables each these just aren't going to let your Haiku flag fly and flutter in the free-flowing breeze

On the other hand

“I fucking got this”

“So let’s fucking go”

Five by five, that’s a clear way to signal a strong start and finish to your Haiku

A quick aside but unfortunately the five syllable phrase, “Nazi scum fuck off” is alarmingly relevant right now

And I would encourage you to start and end many Haiku with that exact same or similar sentiment

What was I on about?

Oh right just call me the Japanese Gloria Estefan cause the rhythm of the Haiku gonna get you gonna take you over feel the power of the five seven five getting strong you know you can’t control your poetry any longer!

Would you like some more examples?

“Why am I doing this?”

“Why am I so fucked up?”

“Why isn’t this working?”

“Why can’t I make this stop?”

I strongly recommend against trying to open or close your Haikus this way because these six syllable phrases are absolute dog shit

On the other hand

“Don’t overthink it”

“Write killer Haiku”

“Let’s fucking do this”

“We’re second to none”

The first and last line of Haiku is a happy home for hyperbole but I really hope you're hearing what I'm hammering home

The first and last step in how to Haiku is to abandon not our self-reflection but our self-doubt

Fear is not what started us on this journey and it ain’t gonna be the way to finish strong